Getting Older

Today while cleaning my church, my part-time job, I was thinking to myself how I don't feel like an adult. I've been very mature for my age since I was very young, so maybe I've caught up with my age. Maybe it's the fact I still can't drive, or that I'm still living with my parents. I just don't feel like I've gotten any older in the past 3 or 4 years. The only thing that I've done to act my age recently was go vote but that seems so mundane that I don't get that feeling of "Wow, I feel like a grown-up." But maybe this is a good thing. Maybe I need to stop growing up for a while and enjoy feeling young still. I mean, one day I'll be rubbing my aching bones and watching grandchildren run around my house, thinking, "God, where did all the time go?" I constantly upset myself unintentionally when I begin to think about death. As an objective commentator of death, it is sad, happy, peaceful, and hectic at the same time depending on which side you are on. I am Christian, but I can only hope that there's an afterlife of some sort. I think that to end someone brilliant when they die is a waste of pure positive energy. I honestly believe that people are reincarnated, not to do better or gain rank like in Hinduism, but to continue or start doing good for the world or themselves. I agree with the personification of the TARDIS from the most recent episode of Doctor Who in that "alive" is a big, complicated, and sad word. She said "It's sad when it's over." But who says that it ends? I don't think it ever does. I don't even mean in a philosophical way that by being remembered one lives on, but literally. In a scientific reasoning, the energy does not dissipate, but transfers into another form. But when I think about it, and think that maybe I'm wrong. The idea that after we die that's it. Nothing else. Just gone. That makes me so sad. Maybe it's my youth talking, but I don't want to die if I'm just gone. I was to continue making myself better, make the world better, learn more, see more, do more. Thinking that maybe I won't get a chance to do things, even in another life, just makes me weep in my bed when I can't fall asleep. That's mostly when I think of these things. Trying to sleep. I'll probably do the same when I drift into "the big sleep" too. At least I hope.