Monday, May 23, 2011

Eliza's thoughts

(Written in character of one of my original RPG characters I used to play. She's a big game hunter from a steampunk Victorian world that's actually a computer program. She ran into a timelord (like the Doctor from the TV show Doctor Who) and fell head over heels for him. She traveled with him for some time, but he had to leave her. She saw him again about 6 months after being dropped off with a much older version of herself. He told her that he couldn't take her then and she had to wait and looked back at her older self. She ends up waiting 20 years before he come back for her. This would be shortly before he gets her in those 20 years.)

It's been years since I last saw Mal. Almost two decades. Sometimes I wonder if he was real. If all of the things we did were real. Or were they all a delusion I had in the asylum. I hate thinking about that damned place, but in those days I did imagine many things. Then I visit my old friend Baroness Lenix and she assures me he's real. Of course he is, he was the one that told the Baroness she wasn't human. I hate her sometimes for looking the same way now as she did then. She hasn't aged a day. I've tried to move on from Mal. I really have tried to find love somewhere else. I tried my short-lived romantic interest, Malcom Edwards, also not of this world. His obsession with me, his simple mind, and his name all drove me away. Not to mention his powers often scared me. I knew he would never intentionally hurt me, but he still does not have much control of his violet-coloured energy blasts. I tried courting other men to no avail. None of them mesmerized me like that man. The one with a shining silver space ship that he re-purposed to fly through time and space. I often find myself reminiscing on those days when we went forward and backward in time. Hopping from planet to planet. Oh the aliens I've met.Some days I wonder why he hasn't come to get me. I often dwell on how he took a shine to one of our traveling compatriots once. She was a little lying, manipulative tart from roughly my time. Delilah. She served him tea, made him biscuits, and waited on him hand and foot. She acted defenseless and weak until no one was looking. Then she threw knives with assassin precision, and stole from people. Mal never saw or thought much of it. He would sometimes point out things she did for him that I didn't. Since being left in my time without him I sometimes wonder if I had done those things for him, would he have left me? If I learned how to be a proper wife, would he return for me? In case I have learned to properly serve tea and bake. I'm learning to cook now, but that is not going well. All of the things I never learned because I grew up without my mother. I have wanted to ask Mal to take me back in time to meet her, but never did. Now, not knowing if he will return, I wish I had. My one chance to meet her might have disappeared the same day the love of my life did. I confessed to Mal that I loved him, but he never seemed to reciprocate my love to the same degree. He often kissed me, let me hold his hand or his arm, and we would often chat about the future, but not in the way many couples do. And often he would kiss people whom he though were brilliant for something they said or did, so I did not regard his kisses as something particularly special to me. I know I am mad to even consider being with a man how can outlive me by eleven lifetimes, a man whose mind moves faster than the vessel we traveled in, a man who is not of this world in the most literal sense. But one would think a man with two heart was more capable of loving and/or showing his love. I'm sure he loved me to some degree. I hope he loved me the same way I love him. I miss him dearly, and the past two decades have been quite lonely. I could find him on my own, but I trust that he will return for me. He promised. I saw myself with him later in my life. I've stared looking like that Eliza, and it makes me sad that nothing has happened. But I am hopeful that he will be coming soon. Soon my timelord will return, not a day aged on his face. I hope he still has the same face. I hope he hasn't regenerated without me. He's never quite the same when he does. Maybe he has and no longer wishes to have me as company. That is probably why he hasn't come. Will never come. He's changed and moved on from me. Maybe I should to try to find him then...No, he said he'd come for me. He promised. I have to wait...but for how much longer? I'm growing old and one day I will be too old to travel with him...Come for me soon Mr. Equis...Mal...my timelord...

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